Music Rocks (Or It Doesn't)

About a month or so ago my husband was dropping off the baby at his parents' house. They were watching the baby for most of the afternoon and into the evening while we were out with friends. When my husband picked up the baby, his mom mentioned that he'd cried a lot of the day, was fussy and cranky, and barely napped. 
The next day I was trying to figure out what was going on that caused him to be so cranky and not sleep. I asked my husband if Baby was asleep when he dropped him off, because he usually is. He loves to sleep in the car. My husband said, "Actually, no, because I kinda forgot he was in the car and I had my music on loud. So he was wide awake when I dropped him off". We had a good laugh about it, but I was kind of wondering how he could forget the baby was with him.
Then the other day I was out running errands by myself. At first, I was driving along in a silent car. Finally, after 10 minutes, I realized that Baby wasn't with me and I could listen to music. So I cranked it up! Then I remembered what had happened to my husband and I realized that I'm used to the baby being in the car and he isn't. 

Being Informed is Inconvenient

I feel like mothers of previous generations had it a bit easier due to less information.

Before: Your kids want to play outside or go to the pool - simply send them out. 
Now: We know about the harmful effects of the sun, so it takes a bit longer to apply all the sunscreen before playing outside in the yard or at the pool. And if they're out for a long time, you have to reapply.

Before: Hungry kids wanting a snack - Kool-aid and a Little Debbie snack-cake - bada bing bada boom. Kids are happy. 
Now: You spend hours reading and researching healthy snacks, writing grocery lists, finding certain foods at the grocery story, preparing said healthy snacks, and convincing your kids to eat them. No bada, no bing, and no boom. 

Before: Your kids want to ride their bikes to the nearest Kwik-E-Mart (or other similar establishment). Sayonara. See ya later. Mom has a cup of coffee and a sit down for the next three hours.
Now: You know about the dangers lurking around every corner and are incredibly fearful of every stranger. You may have even gone on www.familywatchdog.us (or other similar site) and are even more terrified of the people in your neighborhood. You spend hours getting the kids ready, walking or riding bikes to said establishment, shopping, arguing about what snacks they can and can't get, buying those snacks, chatting with another mom from your playgroup, chasing your son who just ran out into the parking lot, listening to a man from your church drone on and on about his cousin's brother's wife's obnoxious teenager, taking your daughter to the restroom 3,000 times, and walking/riding back home. 

I'm starting the process of feeding my baby foods and it's arduous due to the research I've been doing. Sure, it could be easy, open a jar and feed the baby. But I want the absolute best diet for my child so I've been reading and researching, most particularly Super Nutrition for Babies: The Right Way to Feed Your Baby for Optimal Health and it's a lot to process and remember. I read and reread chapters, take notes, and make lists. I will not be able to find everything they recommend at my local grocery store; I'll have to do some searching around and collaborating with local farmers. I'll be spending time making food. On one hand it's a lot of time-consuming work; on the other hand, I'm really excited about it all. 

I'm also excited that other moms are doing the same thing as me - check out this blog and this blog.

Baby Time

I have discovered that I now measure time by my baby's age. 

Earlier today I was sitting in the dentist's chair for my bi-annual cleaning. The hygienist went ahead and made my next appointment for August 12. I immediately thought, "Baby will be nearly a year old then; he'll be eleven months". I said to the hygienist, "Wow, August seems so far away".  Because, 6 months doesn't sound that far, August sounds kind of far, but my baby being 11 months old seems really far away. And I tried to imagine what my life will be like in August, the next time I'm in that chair, when my baby is nearly a year old. Weird.

The Fro Yo PlayDate That Wasn't

It was cold yesterday, bitterly cold, but the sun was shining brightly.

I had a scheduled playdate through my meetup.com group, but I kinda didn't want to go out in that freezing cold weather. But I did really really want to chat with moms and begin to make some friendships. (Every other Friday they go to a local Fro Yo place for craft, story, and yogurt and I wasn't able to go the last 3 times.) So I decided to brave the cold.

And I got there and no one from the meetup group came. There had been 7 or 8 moms signed up and only me showed up. There were three other moms and a grandpa/grandma who were there for the event but not part of our group. I couldn't believe it. Of course I just go to socialize since my 4 month old can't do the craft or eat the yogurt. He did sit on my lap and listen to the story - it was so funny; he watched the story lady almost the entire time like he knew what he was supposed to do.

After the activity we fed the baby, had a nice, warm coffee, and a free sample of fro yo. Yummers. We talked to the others that were there. Bundled up and headed back out into the frigidness.

It's So Easy

My mom arrived on Wednesday and is here for a week and a half. Yay! All moms rejoice when they have an extra set of hands and eyes to help them out. Particularly for me, though, because a) it's cold and winter and I feel stuck in a lot of days of late, b) I don't know many people here so having company just makes my day, c) I can finally do those things I never seem to accomplish with caring for baby 24/7, d) I can run errands and go places without getting baby and heavy carrier out of the car and into the cold at every place.

Before she came I chocked my schedule full. I saw my stylist yesterday and am happy to report that after getting 5" taken off, I now have a hairstyle again. Woo-hoo. This coming week I'll get a teeth cleaning, a facial, go on a MNO, have a couple's massage with hubby, and go out to dinner with hubby. I'm more excited than a kid on Christmas morning.

The first day she was here I needed to pick up a few groceries and Yay! for getting to do them by myself and not on the weekend. I love grocery stores so I went to one that I hadn't been to before, which is weird for me because it's only 3 min from my house. I got to browse and look and take my time. And I realized that this grocery store is so much better than the one I normally go to (for the stuff on my list that I can't get at Trader Joe's); they had more healthy, natural, organic options.

Since she's been here, I've gotten to cook dinner uninterrupted, be on the computer for a whole stretch of time uninterrupted, take a shower uninterrupted, etc. etc. And I realized, It's So Easy. I'm not completely exhausted at 8:00 at night when baby goes to bed. I'm not scurrying around like some kind of mad person. And the baby hasn't hardly fussed or cried at all because he's been constantly held - lucky duck, such a spoiled little boy :)

All I've got to say is - When Grandma comes to town, I don't know who is happier --- mom or child? Cause my bet is on mom.

*Clarification: my mom looks 30 years younger than this woman in the photo - but I thought it was so cute and sweet and precious.

The Weird World of Playdates

Playdate - this is a concept that is taking me awhile to adjust to. For centuries moms have gotten together with other moms to let their kids play and enjoy chatting with each other. But, this new 'playdate' thing is kinda weird. I've been to a few and have enjoyed each one - they're great! I get to socialize with other moms and my baby loves watching other kids play. He's totally entertained by them. Each time my husband jokes about how bourgeois playdates are. 

I did a teeny-tiny bit of research and this is what I discovered.

Wikipedia says - "A play date or playdate is an arranged appointment for children to get together for a few hours to play.

Playdates have become the standard for children of many western cultures because the work schedules for busy parents, along with media warnings about leaving children unattended, prevent the kind of play that children of other generations participated in. Playdates are also arranged by destinations that feature child-friendly programs like museums, parks or playgrounds.

The intention of a playdate is to give children time to interact freely in a less structured environment than other planned activities might provide. Playdates are different from organized activities or scheduled sports, because they are not usually structured.

Playdates are becoming part of the vernacular of popular culture and form a part of children’s "down time." Most parents prefer children to use these hours to form friendships by playing with other children either one-on-one or within small groups. When children are very young, most parents stay for the playdate and use the time to form their own friendships and parental alliances."

Babycenter.com gives a guide to great playdates including hiding favorite toys, offering choices, and being firm about clean-up. Most of the stuff on the list goes above and beyond what mothers of previous generations did when their children got together to play. In fact, reading this list may provide more stress than the average mom can handle. 

Parents.com has an article titled Nice Kids, Rude Parents: Does Your Playdate Etiquette Need a Makeover? Helpful, but typically most rude parents don't know that they're the rude ones. 

Then there's the anonymous mom who has started a blog where she writes about all the bad playdates she's been on including: "a clearly anorexic mother who lives vicariously through her daughter by forcing her to eat several brownies and cupcakes in one sitting" and "the mother who straps her child into a time-out chair … for the entire 2-hour playdate" and  "the mother who invites me to a playdate to rake leaves". Wow, crazy. 

When I was getting ready for a playdate last Friday, I struggled with how am I supposed to look? When I was young and single and I went out with my girl friends we would all dress up or look cute in some way. Even when I was married, pre-kids, and I was out with other women, we would all be 'fixed up'. But, is this the same for playdates? I wear a ponytail so often that I don't even know what my 'hair style' is or if I even have one. I have pants and shirts and dresses and boots, but do I even have 'outfits' anymore? or accessories? So I ended up with my hair down and somewhat styled and even wore a bracelet - wow! I'm stylin'! And I got there and all the other moms had some kind of ponytail or bun. No one looked they were trying to impress, like when we were young and single and, let's face it, skinnier. They were just there to a) get out of the house, b) let there kids 'get some socialization', c) have a free lunch (the hosting mom ordered in - score!), d) chat with other moms, and e) avoid housework. 

My first few playdates have fared well and I hope for the best in the future - but this is a world of real moms and real kids and nothing is ever like the movies.

Housecleaning Isn't For Wimps

Part of being a stay at home mom is housecleaning and sometimes you just look at that long list of chores and think "ewww, yuck". And for a moment you idolize those 'cool' working moms that hire housecleaners and you imagine leaving for work looking pretty and dignified and returning home to a clean, spotless house. But actually, there you stand in your work-out clothes, hair in ponytail, baby fussing, and that dreaded list.

Most of the time, I can put on some music, work quickly, and not mind the housecleaning too much. And actually, I like vacuuming. But, I absolutely hate washing dishes. I will do everything possible to avoid washing dishes. I cram as much as I can into my dishwasher so as not to have to physically wash them myself. And I see how irrational this is, because it doesn't really take that long and it's not difficult. I just hate it.