No Complaints

I don't know about other people, but I tend to do a lot of self-talk.
Lately, my self-talk revolves around me telling myself, "you have nothing to complain about". The things I grumble and mumble about are so piddly in the grand scheme of life. The things I think I need aren't needs at all, but simply selfish desires of what I think I should have. 
This morning I was reminded, yet again, that I have no complaints. I started a list in my mind of the things I am so thankful for that I often take for granted.

1. a husband who provides, who goes to/from a very stressful job without complaining
2. a husband who rocks a crying baby to sleep so that I can get a few moments to myself
3. a healthy, happy baby
4. a warm house
5. food in the fridge
6. running water
7. toilet paper in the bathrooms
8. a working car
9. internet, phone
10. at least 5 people that I know I can call at any time of the day 

I'll stop there for now. 
Over a year ago I was challenged by both Oprah and my pastor (in the same week!) to take time each day to write down one thing I'm thankful for, and you can't repeat! It has to be something new each day. And I did it for awhile, and then life, or whatever, happened and it fizzled out. Whether I write it down or mentally think it, I need to be more conscious about thankfulness and less focused on complaints. 

I Can't Imagine

When I watch my baby, I can't imagine what he will be like in 2 months, 4 months, 6 months time. Let alone what he will be like a year or more from now.
All I see is who my baby is right now. It's hard to believe that soon he will be crawling and then walking. I can't imagine him moving! Right now, when I put him on his tummy or back, he stays there. He kicks and flaps his arms a lot, but he doesn't go anywhere. It just seems like he will stay like this for a long time, but it won't be that long, and that is so weird.

I can't wrap my head around it. And I'm starting to get that panicky, mom feeling of 'don't grow up so fast'. 

Thankfulness

Now (compared to when I was younger and single) being a wife and mother, it's amazing how the simplest events, happenings, moments, things bring me to the deepest gratitude. 
For example,
1. quickly finding a recipe online, in which I already have all the ingredients, while baby is napping
2. putting all those ingredients in the crockpot in 15 minutes while baby happily plays (yes, this recipe was THAT quick! and I'm not a fast cook)
3. being humbled by my super efficiency when the crockpot won't turn on and I think it's broken (and nearly panic)
4. discovering that I needed to push the reset button on the electrical outlet so that crockpot will turn on
5. moby wrap to the rescue soothes a cranky, teething baby
6. rocking baby to sleep in the moby while watching ellen
7. baby sleeps on my chest for an hour and a half, therefore, no time to fix dinner....
8. ....however, crockpot to the rescue- dinner is ready in the crockpot when hubby comes home! 
9. put together a quick, simple salad and dressing
10. eat a homemade, whole foods dinner

and tonight I'm on my knees (figuratively, I'm too worn out for that) in thankfulness. 

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, and Grace

With babies (and I'm assuming kids, too, but right now I have a baby) you daily encounter what I've termed, "The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, and Grace".

The Good:
There is so much good to motherhood that I won't be able to list it all here. But some of my recent Good is:

• ~ baby coos
• ~ baby screams (even if you might have to get hearing aids before you're 50)
• ~ baby giggles and laughs
• ~ baby smiles (even in the wee hours of the morning when you are stumbling around with one eye half open; seeing that smile, directed totally at you is more than words)
• ~ baby chats, especially when he just has SO MUCH to say
• ~ tickling baby
• ~ rough-housing baby
• ~ watching hubby and baby rough-housing and laughing and making too much noise :)
• ~ swaying with baby in the snugli or moby until he falls asleep or is just really, really chill
• ~ seeing things brand new through baby's eyes
• ~ rocking and singing and praying and reading (and baby talking through all of it so that you can hardly get a word in edgewise)(but sometimes he's really calm and lays his head against me and snuggles in....... ahhhhhhhh)
• ~ baby expressions that are endless in their variety
• ~ new baby things, like playing with his hair and scratching textured fabrics and reaching and picking up stuff
• ~ that beautiful sleeping baby face 
• ~ seeing HOW EXCITED baby is over cell phones and remotes
• ~ getting together with other moms and babies and realizing that you're doing a great job

The Bad:

Or otherwise titled, The Unpleasant, Tedious, and Gross:

• ~ baby sneezes - before I had a baby, it would have never, ever been okay for someone to sneeze on me 
• ~ baby spit-up - all over baby, all over you, all down the inside of your shirt, all over everything in a 3 foot radius
• ~ baby poop blow-outs and the clean-up afterwards
• ~ singing another silly song, yet again, to get baby to stop fussing and crying while getting dressed
• ~ playing with the same baby toys over and over
• ~ staying inside all day because of the wintry weather
• ~ doing laundry day in and day out
• ~ changing clothes 20 times a day

The Ugly:

The ugly is me. My selfish heart that wants baby to not cry and just nap because I want to [fill in the blank]. The times when I put my needs before his. The moments when I lose my cool. And when I expect him to be something he is not. 

But through it all, there is Grace:

Grace came through Jesus, and out of His fullness we have received grace. Each day, through the ups and downs, through the good, the bad, and the ugly, I see and experience grace. 

Will the Real Stair Master Please Stand Up?

Cool, hip mom:
30 min. on the stair climber, soaked in the jacuzzi, chatted with Lindsey and Sarah at the juice bar, picked up kids from play area, went to Story Time at the Library, grabbed a Starbucks, and headed home to make lunch for the kids.

Me:
Arrived home after a morning out: Baby is asleep in car carrier, "Sweet, he'll probably sleep awhile." Sit down to work on computer projects and emails. 10 minutes later, his little eyeballs pop open and he begins 'talking'. Change him, swaddle him, read a book, rock for a few minutes, put to bed (he desperately needs a nap).

Up and down the stairs a gazillion times during the next two hours to try to get him to nap~~
After 2 feedings, 4 rockings, 2 songs, 2 prayers, swaying, 1 yoga rocking, popping Nuk back in mouth countless times, and hundreds of kisses - he sleeps!

I'm a Person Again

I started tutoring again - just one student, one hour, one day a week.
And he was really glad to see me and I was so proud of his progress.
I thoroughly enjoyed listening to him read - both his improvement in reading and the book his chose, one from the Geronimo Stilton series. They are funny and entertaining.
And he showed me all the computer/iPad stuff they get to do.
And I was impressed and amazed.
And now I have something new to do during the week - get a few things prepared for him.

Being a full-time stay at home mom is great and I wouldn't want to do anything else.
But, getting to be productive again is second best.

And I feel like a person again.

Mommy & Me Yoga

On Monday I went to my first Mommy & Me yoga class. Visions of calming music, peaceful atmosphere, poses with my sweet baby filled my mind on the way there. This was going to be such a great morning!
And it sort of started off that way. We seven moms sat yogi style on our mats, Enigma played quietly in the background, we placed our babies on their Boppy pillows, and everything was calm and serene as we began stretching. Then our instructor led us into baby massage - my kid laughed a ton because he's ticklish; some of the other babies started making noises too. Next was poses with baby. Some babies were starting to get fussy, but most enjoyed the poses. I was thinking, "This is so great. My baby is doing so good! I'm doing this every Monday!"
Then...... our instructor instructed us to lay baby back on the Bobby or on a blanket to play/relax/chill while the moms did poses on their own. My kid relaxed for 2 minutes tops; the rest of the 15 minutes he was fussy/cranky due to needing a nap. I held him and did a couple of the poses that I could with a baby in my arms, but mostly bounced and swayed to keep him content. Some of the other babies got fussy too, one cried, another had to eat.

All in all, it was a great class and, for now, it's free so I'll definitely go again.