The Weird World of Playdates

Playdate - this is a concept that is taking me awhile to adjust to. For centuries moms have gotten together with other moms to let their kids play and enjoy chatting with each other. But, this new 'playdate' thing is kinda weird. I've been to a few and have enjoyed each one - they're great! I get to socialize with other moms and my baby loves watching other kids play. He's totally entertained by them. Each time my husband jokes about how bourgeois playdates are. 

I did a teeny-tiny bit of research and this is what I discovered.

Wikipedia says - "A play date or playdate is an arranged appointment for children to get together for a few hours to play.

Playdates have become the standard for children of many western cultures because the work schedules for busy parents, along with media warnings about leaving children unattended, prevent the kind of play that children of other generations participated in. Playdates are also arranged by destinations that feature child-friendly programs like museums, parks or playgrounds.

The intention of a playdate is to give children time to interact freely in a less structured environment than other planned activities might provide. Playdates are different from organized activities or scheduled sports, because they are not usually structured.

Playdates are becoming part of the vernacular of popular culture and form a part of children’s "down time." Most parents prefer children to use these hours to form friendships by playing with other children either one-on-one or within small groups. When children are very young, most parents stay for the playdate and use the time to form their own friendships and parental alliances."

Babycenter.com gives a guide to great playdates including hiding favorite toys, offering choices, and being firm about clean-up. Most of the stuff on the list goes above and beyond what mothers of previous generations did when their children got together to play. In fact, reading this list may provide more stress than the average mom can handle. 

Parents.com has an article titled Nice Kids, Rude Parents: Does Your Playdate Etiquette Need a Makeover? Helpful, but typically most rude parents don't know that they're the rude ones. 

Then there's the anonymous mom who has started a blog where she writes about all the bad playdates she's been on including: "a clearly anorexic mother who lives vicariously through her daughter by forcing her to eat several brownies and cupcakes in one sitting" and "the mother who straps her child into a time-out chair … for the entire 2-hour playdate" and  "the mother who invites me to a playdate to rake leaves". Wow, crazy. 

When I was getting ready for a playdate last Friday, I struggled with how am I supposed to look? When I was young and single and I went out with my girl friends we would all dress up or look cute in some way. Even when I was married, pre-kids, and I was out with other women, we would all be 'fixed up'. But, is this the same for playdates? I wear a ponytail so often that I don't even know what my 'hair style' is or if I even have one. I have pants and shirts and dresses and boots, but do I even have 'outfits' anymore? or accessories? So I ended up with my hair down and somewhat styled and even wore a bracelet - wow! I'm stylin'! And I got there and all the other moms had some kind of ponytail or bun. No one looked they were trying to impress, like when we were young and single and, let's face it, skinnier. They were just there to a) get out of the house, b) let there kids 'get some socialization', c) have a free lunch (the hosting mom ordered in - score!), d) chat with other moms, and e) avoid housework. 

My first few playdates have fared well and I hope for the best in the future - but this is a world of real moms and real kids and nothing is ever like the movies.

Housecleaning Isn't For Wimps

Part of being a stay at home mom is housecleaning and sometimes you just look at that long list of chores and think "ewww, yuck". And for a moment you idolize those 'cool' working moms that hire housecleaners and you imagine leaving for work looking pretty and dignified and returning home to a clean, spotless house. But actually, there you stand in your work-out clothes, hair in ponytail, baby fussing, and that dreaded list.

Most of the time, I can put on some music, work quickly, and not mind the housecleaning too much. And actually, I like vacuuming. But, I absolutely hate washing dishes. I will do everything possible to avoid washing dishes. I cram as much as I can into my dishwasher so as not to have to physically wash them myself. And I see how irrational this is, because it doesn't really take that long and it's not difficult. I just hate it.

Aaahhhh Moments

Oprah had the Aha Moments and I've discovered Aaahhh Moments - those moments when everything perfectly aligns and you can sit back and say, "aaaahhhhhh". And I'm not just talking about when baby/kids are in bed either. Yesterday, I experienced such a moment.

My husband and I are sharing a car right now while we wait for his to get fixed, so sometimes the baby and I have a car and sometimes we don't. Yesterday we didn't have one. It was one of those weird winter days that is suddenly warm and spring like. It was cloudy and that morning before the rains came, I loaded baby in the buggy and we walked to CVS. I filled a prescription and did a little shopping and browsed those crazy mags like 'People' and 'Ok'. When we left, he was nearly asleep and it was so warm outside that I decided to take a little walk around the block.

Well, I went a bit further and did a mile. It was wonderful; so nice to have warmer air outside after the freezing and below freezing temps we've had. I noticed that the sidewalks in our neighborhood tend to get a lot of puddles when it rains and I day-dreamed about days when baby is older and we don our wellies and rain coats and go out puddle jumping. As we approached our house I thought about doing another mile, but it was beginning to sprinkle so I headed inside.

Truly, an aaaahhhh moment. Don't we all need more of these in our lives?

Not Your Average Mom Blog

This is not your average mom blog. I've seen a lot, and I mean a lot, of mom blogs which are very similar - stay at home mom, home-schools, has 4+ kids all 1-2 years apart, does their own gardening, canning, pasta making, bread-making, etc., goes to church and leads children in daily devotionals, and in all appearances, has it all together - you know, like the meek and mild 'perfect' women in the Bible. I applaud these women and in some ways I admire and envy them. But when it comes down to it, I know that that is them and this is me. So, like the popular rap song says, Umma do me.

I like pinterest because it's orderly and visual. And it's perfect that you have a place to find all that stuff you found on the internet before without doing a lot of searching. Sure, like most other moms in America, I pin stuff. But, I'm not a crafty person - you will rarely see me make something with my hands or DIY something out of thin air. I like to buy stuff already made. There, I said it. I know the crafty people will think I'm lazy and the green, eco people will think I'm wasteful. But, like my teenage step-children and niece, I say, "Whatever".
I pin a good amount of recipes and I've tried about 1/3 of them. I have a few criteria for recipes though: quick, easy, and few ingredients. I'll see something that looks delicious, click on it, and study the recipe - more than 10 steps, nope, more than 5-8 ingredients, nope, strange ingredients that I would have to search the entire grocery store ten times over to find, definitely not.

All this rambling is to say that this Mom Blog is different  - you won't find me waxing poetic about how beautiful and wonderful it is to birth five children, raise them, school them, and spend every waking moment with them.* You won't see long posts about how to DIY anything (probably not, I might surprise myself). If I post recipes, they will be quick, easy, and with few ingredients - it won't take you all day to make. We have no back yard - so no gardening tips or how to raise your own 'insert animal'. No house-cleaning tips. No organizational tips. No devotional guides (that is personal to me and my family). No diet or healthy eating tips (this is important to me but I'll probably not talk about this much at all). You get the picture.

This is just me, a real mom, sharing my real mom experiences.

There are only so many hours in a day and if me, my husband, and our baby are fed, watered, clean, dressed, and cared for, then I feel I've accomplished what I need to accomplish. Beyond that is 'extra' and then I feel like supermom.

And this mom has a baby waking up - so the day begins - and it begins so well because he has The Best Morning Smiles of Any Baby Ever!


*Don't get me wrong - that's perfectly fine and commendable. In addition, I love kids and I hope to have 1 more and possibly raise some foster children and/or host foreign exchange students.

Parenting Books

Parenting books: there are a slew of them out there and it's a rather daunting task to find the 'perfect' one for your family and as a new parent, the one that is going to tell you everything you need to know and maybe even hold your hand along the way. I've approached parenting books with a 'less is more' approach. Basically, I avoid most of them. I have a select few that have come across my path that have been enjoyable to read and helpful to me. (And of course there a million different parenting websites, forums, blogs, etc. on the interent in which you are inundated with 100,000+ different opinions on parenting. I stay clear of most of these too.)
In days of the past, most new parents had help from their own parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, friends, church family, but today, we live in a more independent society and many new parents live away from family. Therefore, our help comes mostly from books, not people. That is not to say that parents and in-laws and every woman you meet who has had a baby doesn't offer advice. They do! And most of them expect you to use their advice. You can't use everyone's advice so mostly we chalk it up to 'the old ways' and 'the new ways'. If your mom or grandma did it, then it's probably out-dated, so let's check the latest research and see what they do.

This is a list of books that I read during my pregnancy that were enjoyable and beneficial:
1. What To Expect When You're Expecting 4th Edition
2. Your Pregnancy and Childbirth: Month to Month 5th Edition
3. How to Have Your Second Child First: 100 Things That are Good to Know the First Time Around
4. Heading Home With Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality 2nd Edition
5. Bringing Up Bebe
6. How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm and Other Adventures in Parenting

And this is a list of books I've read since the baby was born and/or am currently still reading:
1. What to Expect The First Year
2. Twelve Hours' Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old
3. Caring For Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5
4. Supernanny: How to Get the Best from Your Children
5. Super Nutrition for Babies: The Right Way to Feed Your Baby for Optimal Health
6. The Petit Appetit Cookbook: Easy, Organic Recipes to Nurture Your Baby and Toddler
7. The Best Homemade Baby Food on the Planet
8. French Kids Eat Everything

Now this might look like a long list and you're thinking, "I thought she avoided most of them". But, 4 of these are food/cookbooks, 5 are written by doctors so they are more fact than opinion, and 3 are lighthearted and written from a parents real-life experience. So, only 2 are actually 'parenting' books, as in telling you what to do as a parent.

In the first list, 3, 5, & 6 were my favorites. They are easy reads with lighthearted stories and anecdotes. When you're pregnant, or in the early months of being a mommy, it's nice to read something that makes you laugh and helps you to see reality.

The Sleep Training book helped us tremendously and I highly recommend it. It gives some really great tips in helping your child to sleep through the night and to fall back to sleep on their own if they do wake up. It takes away the parent being a slave to their child each time their little eyes pop open.
And right now since my baby is 4 months old, I'm reading through the cookbooks. They are each interesting in their own way and exciting because I love food!

Added notes: My husband hasn't read one word of any of these books (and he never will because he isn't a reader, he prefers magazines, and I'm totally cool with that). He is famous for coming home from the office with random pieces of parenting advice and wisdom. I just nod and smile because it's either a) something I already know or b) something I'm definitely not going to do such as give my 4 month old Tylenol. (Actually once one of the women had great advice for coping with gas pains - I can admit when I don't know everything.)
I have used much of the advice given to me from experienced moms.

The All-Consuming Laundry

I've titled this blog "Thoughts on Motherhood" only because I am a mother, but it's really going to be about my views on parenting and my experiences. I don't want to take away from fatherhood in any way; I know so many great dads out there. And dads are in the thick of it just as much as us moms are.

This morning I sit typing and drinking my smoothie while my beautiful son lies sleeping in his bed upstairs. I can watch him on the baby video monitor and this is such a peaceful time of day for me. I do like being up early now that I'm a mom (I know some people think that's crazy). But, in the morning, everything is calm and with the baby still asleep I can get a lot done. Also, I have a chance to talk to my husband and see him out the door with a fresh, homemade smoothie. When I was pregnant and sleeping until 8 every morning I didn't get to do this. Then when I let the baby be my alarm clock, I was groggy and cranky. Getting up a couple of hours before him allows me to wake up mentally and physically, have something to eat or drink, work-out, get some housework done, etc. If I wait until 8pm when he goes to bed, I'm usually too exhausted to care or even try to get much done.

One of the first things I do in the early morning is start a load of laundry. Ahhhh, the ever increasing amounts of laundry when you have a baby. I've come to the conclusion that I will never ever again be 'caught up' with laundry until maybe when he goes to college. That's okay; I've come to accept that one or more of the bins downstairs will always have clothes waiting to be washed.
Laundry takes more time with a baby (or kid/s). When it was only me and my husband I would just toss in some clothes, add the detergent, push a few buttons, and voila! Not so, my friend, when you have little ones in the house. You must painstakingly go through each piece of clothing and check for possible stains, spray those stains with some kind of stain remover, and toss into washing machine. It feels like it takes forever. I've narrowed it down a few seconds by using Tide pods or another brand of this same idea. It's a bit quicker - just toss in the pod instead of pouring out the right amount of detergent, pouring into machine, and rinsing cup out. Our kid is 4 months old and we've already gone through 3 1/2 bottles of Shout spray. Maybe that seems like too much to some people, perhaps I am an avid sprayer, but I want to get it out the first time around, not send it back through.

Right now my laundry room is in an unfinished basement - not cool, not pretty, and kinda creepy. But, my dream is to have a fabulous, fancy laundry room some day. It will be so much more fun to do laundry with a cool laundry room - I may even enjoy ironing. Right?